I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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