i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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