i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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