oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
