He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
