took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
