cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
