Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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