I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
