hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Operation Purity has been aborted
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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