Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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