Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
