When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize