my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
