I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
