My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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