Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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