What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
