this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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