Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
As shirtless as possible
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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