Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
