A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
