im six kinds of drunk right now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
