i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
