god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
