Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
