She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
