After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
