The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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