That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
