You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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