Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize