One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
And then he peed in my hair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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