When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
