Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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