Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
