Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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