did you get engaged???
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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