Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
