Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize