there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
