you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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