I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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