I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The uberlube is also flammable
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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