How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
