How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
