I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
