I'll bet she douches with gravy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
