her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
