I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
