I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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