This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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