it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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