I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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