he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
