the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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