I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize