Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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