we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
