put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
