i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
