Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
