We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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