he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
