you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
