The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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