Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
