My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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