I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
