Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
