My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize