I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
