hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
