You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
