Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
