yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I could make wine with my vomit
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
