well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
