dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Help. Why am I so naked?
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