i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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