Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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