I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
