i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
