Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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