Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
