I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
