I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
