I am puke
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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