i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
