my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
