Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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