I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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