I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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