Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
